Justin Bieber & Hailey Baldwin or Ariana Grande & Pete Davidson: Who’s More Likely to Actually Wed?
Millennial heart throbs Justin Bieber, Hailey Baldwin, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have all made headlines with abrupt engagements.
They’re young. They’re hot. They’re celebrity gossip and pop culture staples, and they’re head overheels in love right now.
But will either couple actually tie the knot?
That’s the million-dollar question THG’s staff debates below. We’re spilt on the subject, so read our views and share your own below.
JUSTIN & HAILEY by Tyler Johnson
When word got out that Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson were engaged, fans were flat-out stunned – and rightfully so.
After all, here was one of the world’s most famous and beloved women coupled up with an SNL bit player who seems incapable of playing any character other than himself.
It’s one of those Julia Roberts-Lyle Lovett mismatches that makes you fully believe in the power of that intangible attractant that’s recently been dubbed “big dick energy.”
Ariana has enthusiastically tweeted about Pete’s massive dong, but my best guess as to what really draws her to Davidson is the fact that he represents a sort of down-to-earth groundedness that can be hard to come by in the world of an A-list celeb.
After back-to-back relationships with self-serious rappers, Ariana has found herself a goofy Staten Island stoner with a penchant for self-deprecation.
The problem is, she hasn’t been with Davidson long enough to know if his schtick will grow old. And as someone who’s seen LOTS of Pete thanks to a non-existent social life that’s led to many a Saturday night in front of the TV, I can pretty much guarantee that it will.
That’s why you need to let the heady thrill of a blossoming romance subside before you make any major decisions about your future together.
Pete’s penchant for Harry Potter-inspired pot comedy might seem cute now (“More like Hufflepuff, puff pass, amiright?!” we imagine him quipping before coughing up a cloud), but world famous pop icons tend to get bored easily.
When Ari begins to realize that Pete’s humor leans more toward early Adam Sandler than the best of Seth Rogen, whatever he’s packing in those pricey sweatpants might not be enough to save the relationship.
Justin and Hailey win by default.
ARIANA & PETE by Free Britney
This is not a vote of confidence in Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson as much as a vote of no confidence in Justin Bieber.
Forgive me if I’m not buying his newfound commitment to settle down with one woman for the rest of his life after he’s shown no ability to keep one around (or not act like a lost puppy slash derelict of society) for more than a few weeks at a time.
Also, Hailey is 21 and just broke up with a 19-year-old. She’s model gorgeous and has her whole life ahead of her.
You think she’s not going to wake up one day and realize she’s settling for a washed up pop star who can’t keep it in his pants (either when fornicating or urinating in public) and who obviously pines for someone else?
As for Ariana, well, at least she’s a serial monogamist, and Pete is so against type that there’s gotta be something absolutely electric there.
Or just long and wide. In any case, both couples face steep odds, but give me Grandson to outlast Biebwin any day.
JUSTIN & HAILEY by Hilton Hater
No, this was not my reaction to the news that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are engaged. This is my reaction to the haters who think they won’t last.
Such doubters appear to have overlooked the Higher Power to whom Justin has now pledged his life.
Have you not noticed that he hasn’t released new music in months? That he stopped touring early last summer?
That he brought Selena Gomez to church when those two got back together and that sources have said he’s been doing the same with Baldwin?
Bieber may have had problems with his ego, his temper and with commitment to his cacophony of lovers in the past, but the singer has clearly changed his ways.
He’s on a different path now, one defined by things more important than albums recorded or arenas sold out – and he wants a true partner by his side for this journey.
I believe that person is Baldwin. I believe in their love.
ARIANA & PETE by Simon Delott
I’d have to put my money on Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson.
I’m the first to admit that I love Ariana and Pete too much to view either of them objectively, let alone their relationship. But …
… I can and will cite a pseudo-scientific indicator that these two are more likely to stay together.
Several years ago, sociologists at NYU used decades of statistical data from 4,500 families and found that couples in which the man was much taller than the woman were, for whatever reason, more likely to stay together.
Folks, Ariana Grande is 5 feet tall.
Pete Davidson is 6-foot-3.
Those 15 inches could see them through to the end. And, speaking of inches, Ariana herself started a rumor that Pete is what one might call genitally gifted.
We’ve all seen couples stay together for worse reasons.
It could very well be that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin actually make it down the aisle. After all, they’ve dated before and they seem compatible.
They both have very Christian parents and are outspoken Christians themselves. They’ve even been attending Hillsong Church services together.
But they are exes.
If they broke up before, they can and probably will break up again. Justin just got finished doing this same thing with Selena Gomez.
He calls her out of the blue, says that he wants to talk, and suddenly they’re spending time at Hillsong together as if Justin’s suddenly a brand new, much better person than he was.
Well, we all saw how long that lasted.
So, sure, Justin and Hailey could be endgame. But it seems more likely that, as soon as that oxytocin high of reuniting with an ex dies down, the game will end.
Now it’s your turn, THG Nation.
Vote below and hit the comments!
Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are engaged. So are Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson. Both face a chorus of critics doubting that it can possibly last, so we ask: Which duo is more likely to?! View Poll »