Meghan Markle to Prince Harry: You Better Lose Some Weight Before the Wedding, Tubby!
We’re just weeks away from the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, and it seems that in some ways, the final weeks of preparation resemble the run-up to a regular old peasant wedding.
Granted, there are far more dudes who look like playing cards come to life reading from scrolls and whatnot, but anyone who’s had a hand in planning a wedding will recognize much of what Harry and Meghan are going through.
Harry and Meghan have sent out the invitations; her dress has been designed by a designer whose name is being kept secret for some reason …
They’ve even participated in one of the most enjoyable parts of the wedding planning process – snubbing family members who have behaved douchily over the years.
And now, they’re getting down with one of the least pleasant aspects of putting on fancy clothes in front a large audience – the last minute weight loss.
Generally, we think of the bride when we think of crash-dieting, but it seems Meg has actually taken the reins in order to ensure that Harry slims down in time:
“Meghan has completely changed Harry’s diet. She’s got him juicing and he has lost at least half a stone, which is a lot for someone as skinny as he is,” an insider tells The Daily Mail.
On this side of the pond, “losing half a stone” sounds like the result of a very painful kidney condition, but Brits know that that means Harry lost about seven pounds.
The insider went on to reveal that Meg spared no expense when it came to splurging on a juice-making machine:
“They have bought a top-of-the-range juicer and she has him on fruit and veg smoothies. She’s also weaning him off meat.”
While it’s hilarious that the source felt the need to clarify that Harry and Meg sprung for a high-end juicer, the rest of this report seems pretty credible.
To be clear, we doubt Meg really cares about Harry’s wedding day appearance, but there’s good reason to believe she’d be worried about his health.
The man might be in pretty decent shape, but it seems he didn’t always prioritize nutrition.
Apparently, throughout his bachelor days, Harry’s diet was downright Trumpian.
Burgers, pizza, and KFC were said to be his personal favorites, proving once again that British cuisine is the worst, and the reason Gordon Ramsay is so angry is because he never had a decent meal until he came to America.
So there’s an irony in the fact that Harry is marrying an American with a reputation as a passionate foodie, but she’s got him off red meat and onto kale smoothies.
What’s the point of being married royalty if you can’t rock a Henry VIII waistline and walk around with a turkey leg in one hand and a goblet of mead in the other?
If Harry keeps doing regular shmoe stuff, he’s gonna mess up all our fantasies about trading places, a la The Prince and the Pauper.