Prince Harry: Screw You, Pippa! I’m Bringing Meghan Markle to Your Wedding!
We may be on the verge of that rarest kind of celebrity beef – the royal feud.
For all the drama that plays out behind the walls of Buckingham Palace, the Royals’ upper lips are so preternaturally stiff that we rarely get to see any kind of discord boil over into the public realm.
Of course, we guess in this case it’s just a semi-royal feud, as one of the main combatants will never actually hold a title:
In just a few short weeks, Pippa Middleton will marry James Matthews in what’s sure to be an ultra-lavish affair attended by her famous sister and a number of other publicity magnets.
Unfortunately for Pippa, the bulk of the media scrutiny surrounding her wedding has had to do with who won’t be attending.
Insiders claim that Pippa has instituted a strict “no ring, no bring” policy, meaning that guests who aren’t married or engaged will not be granted a “plus one.”
Sources say the main goal was to ban Meghan Markle from the festivities for fear that Prince Harry’s gorgeous girlfriend would steal the spotlight.
As a bonus, the policy also bars James’ brother, Spencer Matthews, and his girlfriend, the hilariously-named Vogue Williams, both of whom starred on a trashy UK reality show called Made In Chelsea.
But Spencer and Vogue (ed note: LOL) don’t have much say in the matter, whereas Harry is not one to take things lying down.
Tipsters close to the wedding process say the Ginger Prince has instituted a policy of his own: No Meg, no Harry.
Now it seems that rather than suffer the bad publicity that would come with public speculation as to why one of the most high-profile invitees chose to bow out, Pippa has simply broken down and allowed Harry to bring his boo.
Of course, now the floodgates are open and the reality stars can demand similar treatment.
By the end of this thing, Snooki will be licking ron-ron juice off The Situation’s abs, which is a very 2011 reference, but in fairness, that’s the last time anyone really gave a sh-t about Pippa Middleton.
Apparently, Pippa’s concerns are somewhat ameliorated by reports that a Harry-Meghan engagement is forthcoming.
“They will be engaged by the end of summer,” a source recently told Us Weekly.
“They have spoken candidly about their future. They see a life together.”
Somewhere a glowering Pippa threw her issue into a roaring fireplace and was all like, “They better see a life together!”